Is technology ruining your relationships? And how can you fix it?

While Pluto is a generational planet, and its impact is felt more as an undercurrent in society, its influence in Aquarius (big transformations in the realms of technology, and communication) is unveiling the impact of tech on our relationships.

As an air sign, Aquarius rules technology, thought, AI, thinking patterns, it analyses, is very discerning, and on the other end of that spectrum is detachment, and hive mind/group think mentality.

Technology is obviously a huge topic at the moment with the rise of AI and the rise of people addicted to their phones. Attention spans are wavering, and the dopamine addiction fed by tech (and shorts) is having devastating effects (shortening attention span, constant need to check phones, lack of imagination skills, loss of connection to self) on every age group.

There are so many levels to this. One is missing bids for attachment when a loved one tries to get the attention of someone on a phone, who is then is at best ignored, at worst snapped at for the intrusion.

I feel that, for most people there is phone etiquitte, the good old check the ringing phone, ‘oh its my mum, I had better answer and let her know I’ll call her back’. This is fine. But what is ruining relationships is when one party is so engrossed in their phone that the phone becomes the priority. They get interrupted, and get upset that the person trying to connect has interrupted their dopamine flow… thus, creating a vicious cycle that (on a very basic level) phone = good, person = bad. This pattern is reinforced time and time again, and that is strengthened as relationships with humans decline, and the dopamine addiction from the phone is fuelled by more ‘evidence’ that the phone will make the addict feel better. Because its feeding an infinite loop of information that the algorithm ‘knows’ you want to see.

This is why we are seeing so many reports of men ‘dating’ robots. That way his feelings won’t get hurt because the robot will not be pointing out that he put the empty milk carton back in the fridge.

Probably also why I’m hearing that a lot of women are choosing to stay single rather than date these phone addicts. The men are allergic to inner work and the women are allergic to bullshit. (I know there are men out there who are not addicted to their phones and women who are addicted to their phones this is what I am hearing the most form multiple sources and witnessing in my own life).

People are becoming so detached.

Relationships have hard times. It’s much easier to detach from the painful truth, and to succumb to a dopamine hit than to face your own shadows and do the inner work. To acknowledge your own heart (Leo archetype), which is the polarising energy to Aquarius.

This heart is the antidote to the cold detachment of Aquarius, it is being able to access and express ones creative side and authenticity. The connection to self and creativity is being lost.

The detachment isn’t all a bad thing - when directed appropriately. I was getting very upset and taking very personally that I was not able to ‘crack’ the instagram algorithm (on my work account, I am actively trying to reach more people there), and was so blocked creatively from the stress and the unnecessary battering that my self worth was taking.

So I finally bit the bullet, and joined the insta club hub and now if I don’t have any inspirational ideas I use the content ideas they gave me, the hooks, and am learning about the algorithm.

I had to take a step back, throw my ego out the window and delegate. It is a machine. I am not a machine. I needed help to work out how to appease the machine, to reach more people. To learn that it is not evil or mean, it just is, and this is how you work with it. So far I have lost a lot of anxiety, am not so attached to the outcome of my posts, and have more creative flow coming back in for doing the things that I love.

In this way, Aquarian detachment can be really helpful, when dealing with detached things, such as the algorithm. There is a place and a time for detachment. It is when you are dealing with tech, not when dealing with humans.

This is the way to play the Aquarian game. Discern when your detachment is required to create space for your authenticity to shine.

Tech and machines are here to help us do menial tasks so we have more time for our creative work and to improve our human connections. This is how we balance the Aquarius/Leo axis. This is how we can use this energy in a constructive way to improve our relationships and be part of something that is bigger than ourselves.

To contribute to society in our own unique way, sharing our special gifts to create a new world.

The algorithm is only showing things we like, things that we interact with. Through it, we are creating worlds within worlds, one persons experience on their phone is so different from another. You can have two people sitting right next to each other in the same room, living a different reality. Two people convinced that their reality is more ‘correct’ than the other persons reality… all because they are both just clicking away on things that support their own opinions… only seeing the content that supports that. Finding others with the same mindset, and getting swept up in hive mind mentality. Losing the capacity to and never experiencing the ability to hold dual truths, to create the magical third that is the result of a relationship. There is no creation. Its a walking side by side being mind controlled hive mind pandemic.

It’s creating so much disconnection. In a way its cutting us off from things that we don’t like, points of view that we don’t like…  like what we need to work on in ourselves in a relationship. If you have two people or one person disconnected on their phone in an alternate reality, how do you think the relationship will fare?

Communication is key, and its during sincere and authentic communication that we create emotional attunement, and evolve through repairs after a conflict. Conflicts can be as simple as things we may not enjoy being brought to our attention, but are things that we need to work on to be in a conscious relationship (by this I mean both partners fully taking responsibility for themselves and doing their own inner work). A repair needs to be sincere.

These conversations require one to have an attention span long enough to listen to the other’s feelings. To be fully present, and to listen to understand, not to wait for a gap in the words to spit out their own opinion. Both parties need to be heard and understood, and this can’t happen with cold, hard detachment. There has to be heart.

These conversations are not as instantly rewarding as the dopamine addiction that the phone feeds. But long term they fill the void. The phone gives the instant hit, but it will never fill the void that is empty because of the lack of human interaction, and they will go back again, again and again in a manner similar to that of gambling. The variable interval style of reward that creates the cognitive distortion of thinking the next best thing will be next. The next reel. The next person after this swipe.

The war on ownership of the human mind is being fought right under our noses (literally), and its not physical combat with machines. Its not a terminator movie. There will be no need to learn how to use microwaves to kill robots, because the humans will all be home sitting on their couches, ordering uber eats via the suggestion from the app, mindlessly messaging each other via AI prompts, consuming shorts, watching conspiracies (that no-one else knows about) on YouTube and scrolling through dating apps. I don’t think that those humans will even realise that they have lost the war with the robots. Because by the time they make it this far, the robots will have already won.

We are at a big turning point. We have the opportunity to hold on to our humanity and creativity, which I believe is through delegating the use of AI and technology to help us with the appropriate tasks, and in as fully as possibly connecting to our hearts, and sincerely connecting with the hearts of our loved ones.

Thank you for reading :)